8/28/2013

A Day At Sea…

So, the day started off with a bit of a chuckle.  While getting ready, Dad had the TV on to a program that talked about the various activities going on throughout the ship today… Bingo, Charades, Wine Tasting, a Gathering of the Friends of Dorothy, Disco Dance Class…

Wait… Gathering of the Friends of Dorothy??

Ok, so let’s assume that you, fair reader, are not a homosexual and have never found gay history even vaguely interesting (if you are gay and have no idea what this expression means… shame one you!  Back to your pink triangle history book!): “Are you a Friend of Dorothy?” used to be a code phrase for “Are you gay?”  Of course, the popularity of this phrase had it’s hay day during the glory years of Judy Garland (if I have to explain who Dorothy is… really… there’s just no hope…).

Back to our erstwhile hero, another dear friend of Dorothy, within the Carnival Miracle…

Obviously, this had to be on my agenda… how many gay people could there possibly BE on this cruise, anyway?  Would the people who stumbled into this little piano bar off the casino even know it was a clandestine meeting of the fruity variety? (Hey, I can say that… ‘cause I’m a fruit… if you’re a vegetable, don’t try this at home…).  Methinks this might prove entertaining…

The day is yet young, however, so we shall return to the festive, floating fey (again… I’m SUCH a fairy that when people ask me, “Is that fairy wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me”… I have to respond, truthfully, “It’s the wand..”… Hey!  Don’t make me fairy dust yo’ ass, MoFo!) in a bit.  In the meantime…

Today was the “Day at Sea”… this basically means there were no ports and the boat essentially just booked it’s way through Canadian waters as it made its way to Alaska.  The day was gorgeous… the temperature steadily dropped… and we really just spent the day getting acquainted with the ship in general. 

So I suppose I haven’t really described the ship much yet, have I?  Well, let me take a moment to do so… Like I mentioned before, the ship consists of some 10 floors, each with a name (I think we’re on the “Riviera”).  Everything on this ship seems to have a name… each little bar, coffee shop, casino, steak house, store, ashtray and persistent stain seems to have acquired a name purloined from Mythology, Literature, Comic Books, Broadway Stage Production or Harlequin Romance… and that’s just the thing… there’s really no theme or consistency I can find.  There’s the Bacchus Restaurant, like I said, but there’s also Horatio’s Restaurant.  There’s Gotham and Metropolis (‘Lounges’, I believe) and even “The Joker” (a room, from what I can tell… just a room… with chairs… it has a table, perhaps… maybe that’s the joke?).  There’s ‘The Phantom” and ‘The Mad Hatter’ and then ‘The Fountainhead Café’ (Ayn Rand allusion, I’m assuming… very juxtaposed to everything else to be sure).  Yep… chaos… pure and simple.

Of course, what would all this confusion be without a plethora of art from every discernable era and style?  Yea, you saw that one coming.  Oddly, while it sounds pretty atrocious, it does have a certain charm.  Think Casino Chic…  or just Uber Kitsch… that works, too.

I will say that I was pretty darn impressed with the gym, which was 2 floors and full of quite the selection of cardio equipment, free weights, and weight machines.  And YES!  I worked out today… WOOT me AGAIN!  BOOYA!  It was actually pretty cool doing cardio while staring out into the ocean… however, as I tend to run on a treadmill, I quickly discovered the general movement of a ship out in the ocean was a bit disconcerting while running on a treadmill.  In fact, afterwards I spent about 15 minutes fighting a rather mild but annoying vertigo that kept up a rather persistent presence in my head.  Yea… tomorrow I think I shall try the Elliptical… perhaps that will work better…

You’re dying to know about the Friends of Dorothy thing, aren’t you?

Ok, so of course there was the disco ball hanging from the ceiling, glitter falling from through the sky like rain upon the nubile, naked chests of the cut, shirtless guys dancing to the beat…  nearly naked go-go boys writhing in their cages with their glo sticks in hand…

Oh wait… maybe that was an episode of Queer as Folk… any episode of QAF, really, pick one… ah, well…

So the Friends of Dorothy Event turned out to be about as pathetic as I imagined it would be.  I entered the piano bar right around the time the event was to begin with nearly no one around.  A few, antique straight couples lined the back of the bar, nursing their peanuts and cocktails and awaiting the entertainment to begin.  Shortly after I sat down and ordered my obligatory glass of white wine, a couple of lipstick lesbians walked in and sat down a short distance down the bar from me.

“Is this the right place?”

“I don’t know… it doesn’t look like the right place.  I mean, do you see many gay people?”

“It SAYS it’s a G.L.B.T. event… but what does ‘Friends of Dorothy’ mean?”

“I don’t know.  Let’s ask another gay person.”

“Ok, but who?  Oh, wait… Excuse me…”

Do I have to tell you to whom they turned to?  Really… do I have a pink triangle flashing tracers over my head into a dark and starless night?

Hush, you.

Anyway.  Of course, I felt obligated to explain the phrase to them.  This lead to a brief conversation, interrupted by the unwelcome flirtation of the piano player… the male piano player… flirting with the girls, not me…

Apparently, he didn’t know what “Friends of Dorothy” meant either.

Sigh…  Seriously?

Anyway, they quickly decided to move on, with just cause.  Kindly, they invited me along to the comedy club they intended to patronize… but I just didn’t have the energy for a comedy club… so I kindly declined and thought I would finish up my wine and leave.

Amazingly, the piano player asked me… quite publicly… after the girls left just why they left so abruptly.

“Um… because they were here for the ‘Friends of Dorothy’ night… get it?”

He looked at me funny… eventually said, “Ahhhh!”… but really had no frickin’ clue what I was talking about.

Oh my.

In the end, by the time I nursed my glass of wine, one late 60-ish gay gentleman had sat at the other end of the bar… and an adorable, but probably under age, kid sat at the back of the bar (no, he didn’t drink anything) and sang along to every Elton John and Billy Joel number.  Oh yea, he was gay.  I felt bad for the kid, however, as I seriously doubted there was anyone near his age on this ship that was openly gay.  Ah well, kudos to him for giving it a try.  And, admittedly, kudos to Carnival for at least hosting the event… even though it was pretty wretched.

As the bar filled up with ancient straight people and the piano player stumbled, hacked and generally abused his way through a serious of songs, I finally decided it was time to leave the bar and walk around the ship a bit. 

The night seemed beautiful, so I considered going out onto the deck and admiring the ocean in moonlight.  While considering this, however, a handsome couple in elegant attire, wine glasses in hand, apparently had the same idea.  They stepped gracefully, arm in arm, out onto the deck… and were then nearly swept down the length of the deck in what was obviously an incredibly strong gust.  I watched as the lady, in sequined gown, struggled to keep ahold of her wine glass, along with her dignity as wind whipped dress and hair into a frenzy around her.  With far less grace then they had exited, they struggled, fought, and eventually won their way back into the ship.

While watching this was fascinating, it rather dampened my initial longing to see the moonlight from the deck of the boat.  I thought maybe I would just head back to the cabin and write this instead.

So, here I am… another day past.  Tomorrow… our first excursion!  We get to see glaciers!!  YAY!!